Shattered Denial
by Queen Em
Summary: There's always been chemistry between them, but it takes a life-threatening situation for one of them to take the plunge and admit it. But is it too late? Mac/Stella


Hello there! This is my first CSI NY story so I'd really love for you to honestly let me know what you think. I love reading the CSI NY stories on here and I really hope this one is up to those the high standards. I have never written a CSI/police/crime fiction so I'm not sure how accurate it is, but I hope you enjoy it all the same.

QueenEm

**Shattered Denial**

**A CSI NY story By Queen Em**

"Please, please wake up," She held his hand and stared at his pale face, he looked so small and helpless, she had never seen him like this before. "please, I need you, I need you to be ok."

As tears fell down her pretty face that was racked with tiredness and anguish, she thought about what had happened.

How could it have happened?

Of all the people it could happen to, why him? Why was it him who could be staring death in the face?

Why had she never told him how she felt, what if it was too late? She wished there was something she could do. They had always been there for each other, always looked out for each other and looked after each other. But now there was nothing she could do to help, all she could do was wait.

"Please Mac," Stella whispered as she stroked his hand, "please wake up."

"_Mac." Stella snapped impatiently aloud, as she slammed down the phone, "where the hell are you?"_

_"You ok Stel?" Danny asked as he walked into the staff room where she was._

_"Mac isn't answering his phone."_

_"Pager?" Danny suggested._

_"Nope, nothing." Stella said crossly, annoyed that her partner had not called her about his unknown whereabouts._

_"He'll turn up soon, he always does." Danny said._

_"He'd better!" Stella said crossly._

_Sat at her desk filling out some case files, Stella's mobile phone rang and she opened the flip screen sharply, "Bonasera."_

_"Stella?"_

_"Mac! Where the hell are you?"_

_The only response she got was a loud cough followed by a groan and then Mac replied hoarsely, "I'm at home. I'm sorry but I'm not feeling well." Another chesty cough, which made Stella wince on Mac's behalf and her feelings of anger soon evaporated as she felt sympathy for her friend, "I'll call you tomorrow."_

_"Get well soon Mac" _

_Stella got to her feet and as she walked to the lab she passed Danny and Flack and said, "Mac called."_

_"Where is he?" asked Flack_

_"He's sick."_

_"Sick? Mac doesn't get sick, in the 5 years I've worked here he has never taken one sick day." _

_"Well he actually admitted he was sick so I guess he's pretty rough."_

_"Well let's hope he's better soon." Danny said and the three of them went their separate ways. Stella finished her relatively simple yet slightly boring shift at 7PM. It was dark outside and the cold winter wind blew her curly hair away from her chilled face. As she drove to her apartment, she thought she would make a detour to Mac's, he sounded dog rough and she wasn't sure how he would cope as he never admitted he was ill, let alone take a day off work and look after himself!_

_"Mac?" She called as she knocked on his apartment "Mac?"_

_There was no reply so she used the key Mac had given her for emergencies and let herself in, locking the door behind her as she stepped Into the small entrance area. Mac's apartment was of a reasonable size and was neatly decorated with everything in order._

_"Mac?"_

_"Stel?" A hoarse voice called back._

_Stella walked through into the lounge and saw Mac lying on the sofa; he was wearing a pair of dark pyjama trousers and a baggy t-shirt. His face was pale and clammy looking and he looked dreadful._

_"Oh Mac," Stella said sympathetically as she crouched in front of him "look at you, you're really sick."_

_"I'm fine." Mac said croakily as he coughed loudly._

_She put her hand on his forehead, "You're practically on fire!" She went to the kitchen and put a damp flannel under the cold tap. She went back to the sofa and helped Mac to sit up so she was next to him and let him lean against her. Putting the flannel on his clammy head she said, "you should have called earlier, it doesn't look like you've had a good day."_

_Stella made this observation due to the duvet that was upside down, various half drunk mugs of tea, a bowl of uneaten horrible looking broth and an assortment of towels bottles and pills were surrounding the sofa on which he was lying in a mismatched jumble. "Hang on" Stella said and steadied Mac down, resting the flannel on his head. She stood up and after returning after 10 minutes or so, the area around the sofa had been cleaned and a fresh cup of tea and bottle of cold water had been brought in._

_"Come on, we need to get you into bed."_

_Helping him up, he staggered as he tried to regain his balance and Stella steadied him as they walked through. Once they were in Mac's organized neutral coloured bedroom Stella helped him into the double bed, making sure he was on the left side knowing that was "his side of the bed". Stella helped him take some pills and perched on the edge of the bed and put her arm around him and held the cool flannel to his head._

_"Look at you," She said softly, "I didn't think the great Mac Taylor got sick."_

_"I don't." He mumbled and coughed again as he gradually lay down in the bed._

_As he let an almighty cough out and clutched at his aching stomach he said quietly "please stay with me here tonight Stel," His words were slightly slurred with exhaustion and medication but he looked at her when he said it, " I really don't feel well and I don't want to be by myself, I think I am ill."_

_Stella smiled softly and stroked his clammy head, "I won't leave Mac, but I'm borrowing a t shirt, I'm not creasing this suit!"_

_Stella drew the curtains and turned off all the lights and such in Mac's apartment and put the chain on the door. She went into the bathroom and once she had sorted herself out she slipped one of Mac t-shirts on and got in the other side of the bed. Mac seemed to be asleep and was turned towards her, breathing heavily._

_When Stella woke up the next morning her arms were around a still sleeping Mac, whose hand was on her waist, holding her close. Taking a moment to remember what had happened Stella pulled the duvet a little more over Mac. She sighed contently, it felt so right that her and Mac were there together and she didn't want to leave just yet. Eventually she quietly shuffled out of bed, letting Mac go gently._

_She leaned over him and kissed his forehead, "I'm not going anywhere Mac, I'll look after you, don't worry."_

Although it had been just over 6 months a go, it seemed a lifetime away to Stella and she just wished she could look after him now like she did that time when for the first time in their 7 year friendship, she saw him really ill to the point he actually admitted it. It was typical Mac why he ended up here. Putting others first and risking his neck for the job. His face was white and his eyes closed, a mass of machines were beeping and clicking, blending into an eerie electronic symphony. Stella looked at his chest, a thick bandage just past his shoulder was clear under the hospital gown. Stella gently ran her finger along it, "Oh Mac," She whispered, "how did this happen."

_"Stella I'm going in."_

_"Mac are you sure that's wise, this man is dangerous."_

_"If he is holding her in there then every second counts."_

_"Let me come with you."_

_"No Stel, I don't want you going in there, I'll be fine."_

_" Fine, but you get the hell out of there."_

_Mac nodded and went into the house of the known criminal. There lead told them he was the man holding the missing little girl and if they were correct, her life was in danger. Flack arrived on the scene, staying out of sight with Stella._

_"He's been in there for over 10 minutes." Stella said to Flack worriedly._

_"We're going in then." Just as Flack said those words, the door flew open and the suspect came charging out, a little girl in one arm, a gun in the other. Alarm bells rang through Stella's head when Mac didn't appear, but they were extinguished as Mac came running after them, "He's got the girl," he cried and the others followed Mac in chasing him on foot. Flack and Stella ran after them, Mac the closest to the suspect given his head start, but they reached a dead end. A tall brick wall stopped the man running. A staircase led to the waters below and a police car blocked the other way._

_"Let the girl go," Mac said breathlessly but calmly._

_As the others ran to them he said desperately "if they come near me I'll kill her." and he pulled the safety cap of the gun and pointed at the scared little girls temple._

_"Back off," Mac called "Keep your positions."_

_"Diego, let Rosie go. She hasn't done anything."_

_"She's my daughter!" The suspect named Diego cried_

_"I know, but this won't help you gain access to her. Hand her to me and no one will get hurt."_

_"I don't believe you, you'll take her from me and then arrest me."_

_"No we won't." Mac said, trying to remain calm, "We want what is best for Rosie."_

_"If I can't have her no one can."_

_As if from no where, Flack jumped on him and as and he fell to the floor. He dropped the crying little girl who ran away to safety. Diego punched Flack off and ran to the stairs. Flack quickly bounced back but Mac had taken over the chase and had pinned Diego to the ground a few feet away from the stairs._

_"You're not fit to call yourself a man let alone a parent," Mac cried. Stella and Flack ran over to where Mac had finally caught the suspect as Flack called for backup._

_Too late._

_It happened in a flash._

_Mac went flying off the suspect and fell down the first few stairs onto the first landing. _

_He was dazed. But he sat up. He was ok._

_BANG._

_He slumped._

_Blood poured out of his chest._

_Other officers arrived and all chased Diego as Stella rushed to Mac._

_"Mac!" She cried, "Mac, stay with me Mac."_

_"Stel," He whispered as his face screwed up in pain and blood came out his mouth as he coughed. Stella took off her jacket and put it over the bloody wound hurriedly._

_"Mac you're going to be fine." She grabbed her radio "Dispatch 3611 Detective Bonasera, we have an officer down, requesting medical attention immediately, I repeat officer down."_

_Mac's eyes closed_

_"No Mac! Stay with me, please Mac. Mac!"_

Stella shook her head gently; it wasn't supposed to happen like that. There was a large cut on Mac's head from the fall and his ankle was also apparently badly sprained, although Stella could not see the bandage under the covers. A nurse came into the room in ICU and said, "Excuse me Ma'am," Stella looked at her in a daze.

"Are you Detective Taylor's wife?"

"What?" Stella suddenly snapped back to reality. "Erm no. I'm Stella Bonasera. Mac and I aren't together, we're best friends though."

"Oh, but you are Detective Taylor's next of kin?"

Stella paused for a moment, yes she was. They had been best friends and partners for 7 years and after the death of his wife Stella was the closest person to him in the city. She knew his parents were dead and his older sister still lived in Chicago.

"Yes, I am."

Stella had Mac as her next of kin. Having no family or spouse herself, her best friend seemed the logical choice. Although she never thought she's be called upon as the next of kin in such a morose sense.

"I have some falls for you to fill out."

Stella squeezed Mac's hand and whispered, "I'll be right back," before she followed the nurse to the waiting room. Danny, Flack and Lindsay were sat there. All looking worried and tired. Lindsay's eyes were red and Flack looked thoroughly distraught and it was clear he blamed himself for Mac's injury.

"How is he?" All 3 said at once.

"The same," Stella replied as she sat down next to Danny. "He made it through surgery but he might no wake up." Tears filled her own eyes, as the prospect of losing Mac became a reality. Danny put his arms around her and she cried into them, not caring that they saw her cry for right now, right now that was unimportant. Flack and Lindsay went in to see Mac, feeling Danny would be the best one to comfort Stella as she continued to slowly fill out the various forms.

"He'll be okay Stel." Danny said in a reassuring voice, "When has Mac Taylor ever lost a fight."

"He's got to be alright," Stella said, a hint of desperation in her voice, "he just has to." She looked through the window where Lindsay was crying and Flack had his hand on Mac's arm. She said almost inaudibly "I need him."

_"It's not fair Mac, it's not right!" Stella said, her voice high pitched as she paced Mac's office she had just burst into, "They don't even care about that poor kid. She's just 7 years old and they're already shipping her off to some boarding school."_

_" Some People are like that Stel" Mac said, unmoving from behind his desk "I know some cases are tough, but we've done our part."_

_"I know," Stella said wearily and her tiredness was apparent, "I just wish I could do something else. That poor little girl," her eyes filled with tears, "her sister was just murdered and now she's being shipped off instead of her parents letting her grieve and looking after her. She's 7 Mac, 7." Tears began to fall down her cheeks and Mac got up and walked round to her._

_"Come here." He said gently and he wrapped his arms around Stella. As Stella was wearing heels and Mac wasn't the tallest of men, Stella's head rested snugly on Mac's shoulder as he held her tight as she cried softly. Eventually she pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, I know it's just a case."_

_"It's been a tough one Stel, you need to have a break."_

_"I think I'm going to go home and mope, or eat my body weight in ice cream for the week."_

_"No don't do that, ok you can do that tonight, but tomorrow we are going to forget this whole case."_

_"What?" Stella asked, wondering what Mac's next bizarre plan would be._

_"I'm taking you to Stargazers, we both need a break."_

_"Mac you don't have to do that"_

_"I want to, I'll pick you up at 7;30 tomorrow."_

_Stella smiled and said, "Looking forward to it." before leaving the office._

_"Coming!" Stella replied distractedly, she ran to the door as she put on her earrings. Sure enough Mac was early and she was not ready. It had been a good while since she had been to a fancy restaurant and had mistimed the art of getting ready._

_"Hi Stella, I've…"_

_"I'll be back in two!" Stella said quickly as she let Mac in, kissed him on the cheek and rushed back to her room. Emerging 10 minutes later she came to wearing a purple halter neck dress, her hair half up with classy black accessories._

_"You look gorgeous," Mac said quietly._

_"You don't look bad yourself." Stella said with a smile noticing he was wearing a ore elaborate than usual tie she had bought for him a few Christmases a go but had rarely seen the light of day as it was not Mac's usual style!_

_The restaurant was lovely and as Stella ate her pudding she felt her troubles evaporate and her focus being on the wonderful night she was having._

_"This is so beautiful Mac." Stella said._

_"I'm glad you re enjoying it, you've been working so hard lately, you need a chance to unwind." Whilst he was pleased Stella was enjoying it, he to was enjoying the night and both found themselves laughing more than either had done in a while._

_They drank their coffee as a pianist played, watching some couples on the dance floor Mac turned his attention to Stella and said "does this beat eating your body weight in ice cream?" Stella laughed and said, "I think so!" Hs reached over and put her hand in Mac's, "Thank you." She said. They sat back and there was a comfortable silence that Stella broke after a few moments._

_"I love this song."_

_"Dance with me?"_

_"You don't dance."_

_"I will with you."_

**Say it's true, there's nothing like me and you,  
Im not alone, tell me you feel it too,**

_They stood up and walked onto the dance floor. Stella wrapped her arms around Mac's neck as he gently held on to her waist._

**And I would runaway,  
I would runaway, yeah, yeah,**

_They moved in time with the music, gently swaying, moving as one._

_"Thank you for dancing with me Mac."_

_"it was my pleasure."  
_**I would runaway,  
I would runaway with you**

_Mac kissed her hand and they sat back down, neither wanting the night to end._

Stella went back in and regained her position in the chair next to Mac's bed. She had insisted the others go home, but they had all said firmly they were not moving and Hawkes had now joined them in their anxious wait. Stella didn't know much about all the machines Mac was hooked up to, but nothing seemed to have changed, did that mean he wasn't recovering? But he had to recover.

"Mac," She whispered, "Mac, please wake up. We need you, I need you. I know you can't hear me right now and I wish I'd have said this ages a go," She squeezed his hands and looked at his closed eyes, "You're the most important person to me, you're my best friend and I trust you more than anyone else on the world." Tears fell down her face, regretting the fact she had never said this before, "I want to be with you, for us to be together. The more time I spend with you the more I want it and I hope you feel the same. I love you Mac Taylor, and I need you to wake up so I can tell you."

She dropped her head and let the tears fall once more and before she realised had drifted into an uneasy sleep. Awaking shortly afterwards, Stella noticed it was still dark which indicated she had not been asleep long.

"You're beautiful when you sleep." Stella sat bolt up right.

"Mac?" Tears filled her eyes as she saw him with his eyes open, still pale and groggily, but awake, "You're awake!" Before either knew it she had rushed to the bed and sat on the edge and as gently as she could she wrapped her arms around Mac. Slowly he lifted his arms and wrapped them around her as she cried into him letting all her emotion out.

"Don't cry," He said, his voice hoarse and groggy but trying to soothe her.

"I'm sorry," Stella said as she sat back up, "I'm just so glad you're awake."

"I'm going to be fine." Mac said as Stella perched on the side of there bed holding Mac's hand.

"Mac, I should have said it so long a go. After what's just happened I know I need to say this." She sniffed slightly, "when you were shot all I could think was that if I lost you, I wouldn't know what to do. I need you. When I saw you lying there and we were waiting for the paramedics," her voice cracked and Mac squeezed her hand "What I'm trying to say is, I love you Mac."

Mac smiled and although he was clearly in pain he put his other hand on her arm and said "I love you too Stel."

Stella hugged him gently again and said, "Don't ever scare me like that again!"

"I'll try." Mac said with a weary smile.

Stella stayed with Mac until he fell asleep, the heavy medication and acute tiredness kicking in. The door opened and the rest of the team came quietly in.

"How is he?" Asked Danny, who had a protective arm around Lindsay. Stella held Mac's hand and looked at him lovingly, before turning to Danny and the others.

"He's going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine."

Lindsay hugged a thankful Danny as Flack turned away, overcome with emotion as Hawkes breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at Stella. The room was filled with a comfortable silence, Stella didn't let go off Mac's hand as the rest of the pulled up chairs and sat around his bed. Yes Mac had fallen, but he wasn't defeated and wouldn't be out for long, a bullet wouldn't hold back Mac Taylor. A nurse came in and told them Mac needed to rest, and despite their protests that he was asleep anyway, they left the room one by one.

"You coming Stel?" Flack asked quietly once the rest had departed.

"I'll be there in a second," Stella replied and Flack nodded and left the room, waiting for her with the others just outside.

"Sleep well, I'll be back soon." She leant over and kissed a sleeping Mac on the forehead before joining the rest of the team as they headed off, all shaken but hugely relieved. Stella looked back at Mac and smiled, indeed everything was going to be just fine.

_Please review as I'm thinking of doing a sequel or another CSI NY fiction and I'd love to know if you liked it and if I can improve. J_


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